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Last Updated on March 29, 2024

What To Do If Your Partner Is Keeping You Up?

image of our writer Filip Maric

Written By Filip

Sleep Advisor

Featured image of what to do if your partner is keeping you up
What to do if your partner is keeping you up? Communicate, have a sleep routine and optimal sleep environment, manage breathing issues & calm your restless leg syndrome. If nothing works – seek a professional help!

Now that we've cleared this up, we can get down to business – what's your problem? Wait, you don't have to tell us. Whether your partner snores, uses CPAP, white noise machines, or frequently turns on the lights during the night, there is a solution. Some are very obvious, but there are also some that we had to try first.

We've tried many approaches to help you keep your bed sharing from ruining your sleep. Some are better than others because such things also depend on the situation. But we'll start from the basics – say out loud what's bothering you, talk to your partner. Trust us.

After that you will be able to sleep separately even in separate bedrooms without hurting your partner.

Communication and understanding

A couple communicating

Unconditional love = good communication, understanding the partner's needs and compromise. Otherwise, a love tip from a magazine won't save you.

Open dialogue

You want to point out your partner's sleeping habits, but you don't want to compromise his or her needs. It's not difficult. You just need to maintain assertiveness in communication. What does it mean? Start a conversation by emphasizing yourself. For example, say, “I've been feeling tired for days now because snoring wakes me up.”

Then, try to listen actively and do not interrupt. Maintaining eye contact and a calm tone during the conversation is desirable. It is very important that you stick to the problem at all times and do not move on. Do not forget about non-verbal communication, relax your body.

Empathy and understanding

Although your partner's behaviour greatly annoys you, try to understand. Unless it's something she is doing on purpose, keep your empathy. We know it's not easy to stay focused when you're sleep deprived, but slow down to hear your partner's side of the story. That way, you'll be closer to the solution because you'll finally have something to work with! Forget about criticism, because it only makes the situation worse.

In the end, people are often not aware of their own sleeping habits, but neither are they of others. Therefore, it is necessary to exchange information about needs and preferences.

Establishing a sleep routine

A couple in bed holding a clock

We understand you. After so many sleepless nights, you certainly don't have a perfect nighttime routine. In fact, things may be quite out of control. Don't worry; there are several easy ways to restore factory settings!

Consistent sleep schedule

Oh, those sleepless nights. So many times, we've been mad at ourselves because we can't catch that dream! But have you ever wondered – how does sleep come? First and foremost, it doesn't just come (nor can you catch it). You've probably heard of the internal clock, it's actually the circadian rhythm in your body. It is located in the brain and determines sleep/wake time.

Like any clock, it only shows the correct time if it works properly. If you maintain it – you wake up and go to sleep at the same time, it will work perfectly. On the other hand, you will throw it off balance. Therefore, do not be hard on yourself, but work on your sleeping schedule.

Pre-bed routine

Sometimes we just don't feel like sleeping and that's okay as long as it doesn't happen often. But you have to learn how to control your inner tantrum-throwing toddler. Actually, adults and toddlers are very similar in that case. You need a proper nighttime routine, which includes:

It is desirable to design the steps of the night routine, in order to better prepare for sleep. It can be a warm bath together, yoga or a soothing movie. Refrain from serious conversations, such as talking about work. Leave it for the morning, when you need a wake-up call – think about your internal clock!

Creating an optimal sleep environment

An optimal sleep enviornment in a bedroom

Of course, falling asleep in a bad sleep environment is impossible. Influences such as light, noise, and inappropriate temperature represent sleep disruptors. In addition, there are internal influences such as health conditions. To create an optimal sleep environment, you must address and eliminate them. Let's deal with it.

Comfortable bedding, pillow, and mattress

Unfortunately, the importance of mattress is often underestimated. The surface you spend most of your time on may:

To choose comfortable bedding, pillows and mattresses, consider your sleeping position, weight, age and personal preferences when purchasing. Next, check the product features to check if they are compatible with your needs.

Regarding bedding, we recommend natural materials such as cotton, bamboo and linen. They are breathable, light and easy to maintain. When buying a pillow, consider the type of filling, height and firmness. Last but not least, his majesty – mattress. Its function is to align the spine and support key body parts. So check whether the degree of firmness, filling and size meet your criteria.

Ideal sleep conditions

Is your first association – a partner who does not keep you up? But that's not the only thing that will improve the sleep quality. It is also the amount of light in the room. Remember, even a small light flow can be a powerful disruptor. Our brain will take it as a sign that it is time to wake up, not to fall asleep.

Also, pay attention to room temperatures; you will always sleep better in slightly cooler conditions. The optimal temperature for good sleep and health is around 18 degrees; anything above that can cause health problems.

Unfortunately, there are other sources of noise besides your partner. It's mostly traffic or electrical appliances. So, close the windows and turn off all devices. Don't forget to turn off the vibrate! Consider using sleep aids like earplugs or white machines if necessary.

Addressing snoring and breathing issues

A man snoring next to a woman that can't sleep

We usually associate snoring with an unpleasant sound, but it is a serious health problem. It can indicate the respiratory symptoms of pout, wheezing, and chronic bronchitis. It occurs due to tissues in the throat relaxing when air tries to pass through. The next thing that happens is the vibrations that find their way out – the nose.

Then the risk of apnea (blocked airways), obesity, anatomical obstacles in the mouth, nose or throat or insomnia increases. To address snoring and breathing issues, consider the following several strategies:

  • Maintaining a healthy weight through exercise and a balanced diet – Excess soft tissue on the neck narrows the airways, and therefore, it is desirable to engage in physical activity but also to establish an appropriate diet. You should also avoid alcohol and sedatives before bed, as they even more relax the muscles in the back of the throat.
  • Identify allergens – These can be dust mites, pet dander or pollen. They are probably the main culprit if you feel well during the day but sleep uncomfortably at night. Here, the only concern is the daily maintenance of bedding, pillows and mattresses. But we recommend that you find another place for your pets to sleep – at least until you determine the real cause of the snoring.
  • Change Sleep Positioning – While sleeping on your back, the base of your tongue and soft palate are more likely to obstruct your airway. The solution is sleeping on your side or using pillows or devices that discourage sleeping on your back.

Managing restless leg syndrome and movement disorders

You've finally snuggled into your bed after a long day, when suddenly a slight tingling sensation starts in your legs! But wait we have an even better one – you start to drift off to sleep, life is suddenly beautiful and BOOM, problems start. Okay, this can still have a happy ending if you change your lifestyle.

This includes regulating bad and introducing healthy habits such as: exercise, physical activity, reduced caffeine intake and managing stress levels. Well, it's not hard to eliminate restless leg syndrome and movement disorders. Not at all. The human body has perfectly coordinated systems, but we must maintain them.

Therefore, as soon as we schedule in that field, problems like restless legs appear. Stress can be the main trigger, which means that you should pay special attention to emotional regulation, as well as caffeine intake. This favourite drink, without which many cannot start their day, in excessive amounts contributes to the exhaustion of the adrenal glands. Why is it important?

Adrenal glands help us regulate stress. And yes, one cup can be too much for someone – if you are sensitive to caffeine.

Tip: See your doctor if these conditions interfere with your daily functioning.

Exploring sleep-separation strategies

An unhappy couple in bed

You don't have to put up with someone's snoring all night. There are many ways to show you love someone! Sleeping in separate beds is much better than constantly resenting you for keeping you up all night. After all, you don't feel your partner's presence while in deep sleep, right? So consider not sleeping in a same bed or even in a same room.

Temporary solutions

Take a baby step if you are not yet ready for a drastic change such as own bed. In agreement with your partner, consider separate blankets or duvets. That way, you will get personalized comfort and reduce stress. In addition, it would not be bad if you occasionally sleep in separate rooms to restore quality sleep. It is an opportunity to create a sleep environment free from snoring disturbances.

And your partner will finally not feel guilty for ruining your night's sleep. We must not forget about snoring aids, such as nasal dilators, snoring mouthpieces, and nasal strips or even anti-snore pillows. Of course, consult a healthcare expert or sleep specialist before purchasing.

Open communication

Here we go again. It seems that the only solution is mutual understanding and listening. This makes sense – you don't have the power to read minds and neither does your partner.

You have nothing else left but encouraging continuous dialogue to find mutually beneficial solutions. To make it easier for you, think of several solutions you will propose to your partner in advance.

Keep in mind that sleep separation is not a reflection of relationship problems. It is a constructive solution for adults who strive for couple growth. If your partner is too worried to see this, explain it to them.

Seeking professional help

When to seek professional help for snoring? It depends on your point of view. Sometimes snoring develops into a serious health condition, which can become complicated if not treated. In this case, it is important to monitor the symptoms, as well as their duration.

Also, often talking with our partner on the subject makes us uncomfortable. This is where we come to a relationship problem that is emotional in nature. Let's go a little deeper into this.

Visiting sleep specialist for persistent sleep issues

If the snoring is intense and noisy, during the day you feel sleepy, weak, have problems with concentration and attention, you have a dry mouth, you must see a doctor. You may have a sleep apnea, a disorder of interrupted breathing during sleep. Through certain measurements, the doctor will determine a therapy model, that is, a device that will breathe for you at night when the interruption occurs.

This will avoid the possibility that the brain will be left without oxygen due to the interruption of the air flow and avoid other complications such as a heart attack or stroke.

Couples' therapy

A couple at a professional therapy

A good relationship is one in which the partners achieve greater satisfaction than problems. If there is a conflict that you cannot overcome on your own, it is advisable to seek help. Therapy is an opportunity to express all worries, frustrations, and needs related to sleep disruptions.

With the therapist's help, you will be able to explore the underlying reasons for snoring and its effects on both of you. It is a sure way to solve the problem, because you will also get a lot of useful tips in the form of strategies. Of course, it is necessary that you and your partner are equally interested in this option.


From harmless nose breathing to couples' therapy. Who knew a little snoring could cause so much trouble? Fortunately, now you know what to do if your partner keeps you up. Therefore, it is crucial to address the issue. That way, you will manage to preserve both your sleep and the health of your relationship.

Remember: communication is the key that opens all doors. If you can't reach it, seek professional help. Don't forget that there are other ways to create a peaceful sleep environment, such as sleeping in separate rooms and using relaxation techniques.

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